Totem Soup Update – Life Is Getting Better

Sorry folks, I have been between contracts, and with a family, that gets very stressful. I have a few new opportunities that may lead to some solid work. Most of my time has been spent bouncing from website to website submitting applications and interviewing.
Coming soon I will have a post on my new aquaponics setup that replaced the original. This one I built myself and I have the photos for a semi-how-to. If I can get the time together I will likely post it up this weekend. Here is a quick preview:

That’s it for now!
– The one, The ONLY, Holytotemic

To Donate:

Totem Soup Update – Dark Skies Are Gonna Clear Up, Put On A Fuck You Face


As of late I have been in the most horrible and vile of moods, which has kept me from blogging even more than usual. Had a good job, had good pay, had a bright outlook…all three good things now gone. Contract work, I think especially in the IT Industry, is soul sucking. You feel disposable. Easily discarded. In most cases you are. I felt recently I was at a job I could work at happily the rest of my life, only to have the contract end and it not get renewed. Sometimes you can pour your soul into something and it just isn’t enough.

It has been so hard to do much of anything this past month, even typing out what’s swirling in my head seems like a chore. I have become furniture. I like to work, I hate unemployment. The last moth I have been restless mentally, but physically…well, I’ve worn a hole in my couch.

That’s it for now!
– The one, The ONLY, Holytotemic

To Donate:

Totem Soup – A Rant #Morningdump

pulling-hair-outTuesday arrives with all the glitter and glamor Monday did. Memory is at an all time low and the shit list gets longer with more opportunity to forget than ever. Some shit doesn’t even hit the list because it’s forgotten before it can even be noted. It is amazing that life has turned into this. We are hyper intelligent ants, but we have no idea who the real queen is. We serve our bosses and false gods all the same. We work for the money to struggle only to have things break that are out of our price range when the light starts to glimmer in the tunnel. Lower middle class under the boot of inflation and low wages.

Here I sit broken hearted…read on a high school bathroom stall never rang so true. However, with the current state of food and what the middle class is forced to sustain themselves on, shitting is never a problem…more inconvenient and uncomfortable generally. I am not a politically correct man, I am honest. You try feeding a family of 4 on organic meats and fresh vegetables. See how many months you can go without paying the bills. The middle and lower classes are forced to dine on pre-packaged, chemical ridden, cancer causing sustenance that may be about as nutrient as dog food in some cases, I am not sure if that speaks to the human food or dog food industry the most honestly.

As I sit here, getting more and more allergic to my surrounding world, I wonder if it’s my surrounding worlds fault or my genetics. Things I had no allergies to for the first 20 years of my life can now kill me, or make me extremely sick. Is it out of my realm to think it’s not my genetics, but the way the dollar is held over life? Everyone deserves to reach the end of the tunnel and walk into daylight. I work hard, I barely have time for my children and wife, isn’t that the American dream? Apparently so.



15 - 1

That’s it for now!
– The one, The ONLY, Holytotemic

To Donate:

Totem Soup Thoughts – Mentally Dry and Down

The sandwich shop at the end of the desert.

Life is like crossing a desert only to find a sandwich shop with another desert immediately after it. It seems to me it’s a lifetime of trudging only to get a snack and a sip of water only to continue trudging on. The only ones who have it good, own the sandwich shops.

Be warned I will be dropping an “A” word that causes undue discomfort, but read on, I don’t dive into it. I started my life as a Lutheran, but now see absolutely no evidence in any god. It’s harder to become an atheist, than to be raised as one. No matter what you do, dogma remains in the darkest corners of your self and perceptions of the world. I find myself struggling for a meaning of it all. I have been a sickly specimen most of my life, but I hide it well with my outward appearance.  Slap on a smile and make someone laugh…it has served me well for years. I am finding it harder to crack a smile or a joke as of late. Masking pain and getting older is taking its toll.

I find the general disconnect between people to be disturbing. It was different when I was younger. I’m only 32, but the change between then and now is observable in a big way in my generation. Less hello’s, more anger and boredom. This self serving, single serving, fast food culture is hollow. The sandwich shop is becoming less and less satisfying.

I have started making an effort to be friendlier and pay it forward when I can afford to. Paying for someone’s fast food order and striking up conversation is rewarding. Unfortunately conversation is met with strange stares and standoff behavior generally, where when I was younger it was more socially acceptable.

Social media is now the tie that binds society and a face to face conversation is tldr (too long didn’t read) in essence. This behavior is breaking what makes us human. Physical touch and intimate conversation has been replaced by 2 minute videos and 140 character blurbs. How many people would fall apart if all forms of social media vanished over night? I would be willing to bet a good portion.

The reason I don’t set a schedule for blogging or posting on social media like most is exactly why I decided to sit down and write this. Let life come as it comes. Talk to a stranger. Pay for a random persons meal. Kindness comes in circles. Even if it doesn’t come back to you immediately, the feeling that comes to your most human side is rewarding.  Don’t be a disconnected connection.


That’s it for now!
– The one, The ONLY, Holytotemic

To Donate:

Totem Soup Review – Predestination

IMDB Rating: 7.5/10
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 83%
My Rating: 8.5/10

I was perusing my movie collection and stumbled on one I have yet to watch. The title, in itself, is ominous, so I figured what the hell. This movie had me on edge and chanting “what the fuck” through a good portion of it. Predestination was the title.

This is a smart, well written, time travel movie that will leave you guessing and on the edge of your seat until the very end. “Temporal Agent (Ethan Hawke) on his final assignment, must pursue the one criminal that has eluded him throughout time.” With a synopsis like that I went into this prepared for a terrible campy cliche of a movie, but I could not have been more wrong.

I will drop no spoilers because I feel this movie must be stumbled into. Just the knowledge of the synopsis is enough. If it’s already in your list, move it to the top. If it’s not in your list, add it as soon as possible.


That’s it for now!
– The one, The ONLY, Holytotemic

To Donate:

Totem Soup Inspiration – Rudyard Kipling


By: Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Source: A Choice of Kipling’s Verse (1943)