Here are a few rules I would make:

1. ) If your thinking about suicide, do it.
Hey if im making the rules let the Darwin Awards roll out. Plus that gets rid of all the depressing crappy people that are too dumb to survive their whole lives naturally anyways.

2. ) If you see anyone involved with the company named British Petroleum, kick them in the balls.
If I need to explain why, refer to rule 1 and join the cause.

3. ) If your milking Social Security or welfare, refer to rule 1 and join the cause.
Listen I hit a rough spot a while back and I had a wife and kid. The welfare office declined me because I (as stated by the agent) was 1. The wrong “color” and 2. Made too much on unemployment. We were raising a baby on 1/3 minimum wage. I had a job within 2 months of requesting welfare to help us out. While I was in the office I ran into 4 people who had their “hair and nails did” with one child pulling in working mans money off welfare, unemployment, and food stamps. So all you lazy shitbags can refer to rule number 1. If all you do is live and leech, remove yourself from the gene pool immediately.

Everyone must agree to disagree and move on.
4. ) We all are different and we’re all gonna disagree. If we all agree to disagree and do nothing about it then the world would be a more peaceful place. I’ve seen people punch people in the face over forgetting the condiments in their McDonald’s bag…really people, necessary? No. (note: “Bill and Ted” – Be excellent to each other, and party on.) If you can deal with it….refer to rule 1.

5. ) No nukes, except on Birthday Cakes and adult novelties.
Is anything that serious to drop a weapon somewhere that has the potential to end millions of lives in one sweep, and then make the land unusable for 10-20 years…no. NOTHING is that serious EVER. Tactical strikes on specific people or small groups of people I agree with. But being able to wipe out an entire country with 2 or 3 bombs…uncalled for. Any weapon that has the potential to destroy the entire world…I say why sir.

6. ) No “Lite Beers” allowed in bars… if you’re going to be in a bar, drink like you’re in a bar.
Nuff said. Got a problem, refer to rule 1 you tight-assed communist.