If I Ruled The World

Here are a few rules I would make:

1. ) If your thinking about suicide, do it.
Hey if im making the rules let the Darwin Awards roll out. Plus that gets rid of all the depressing crappy people that are too dumb to survive their whole lives naturally anyways.

2. ) If you see anyone involved with the company named British Petroleum, kick them in the balls.
If I need to explain why, refer to rule 1 and join the cause.

3. ) If your milking Social Security or welfare, refer to rule 1 and join the cause.
Listen I hit a rough spot a while back and I had a wife and kid. The welfare office declined me because I (as stated by the agent) was 1. The wrong “color” and 2. Made too much on unemployment. We were raising a baby on 1/3 minimum wage. I had a job within 2 months of requesting welfare to help us out. While I was in the office I ran into 4 people who had their “hair and nails did” with one child pulling in working mans money off welfare, unemployment, and food stamps. So all you lazy shitbags can refer to rule number 1. If all you do is live and leech, remove yourself from the gene pool immediately.

Everyone must agree to disagree and move on.
4. ) We all are different and we’re all gonna disagree. If we all agree to disagree and do nothing about it then the world would be a more peaceful place. I’ve seen people punch people in the face over forgetting the condiments in their McDonald’s bag…really people, necessary? No. (note: “Bill and Ted” – Be excellent to each other, and party on.) If you can deal with it….refer to rule 1.

5. ) No nukes, except on Birthday Cakes and adult novelties.
Is anything that serious to drop a weapon somewhere that has the potential to end millions of lives in one sweep, and then make the land unusable for 10-20 years…no. NOTHING is that serious EVER. Tactical strikes on specific people or small groups of people I agree with. But being able to wipe out an entire country with 2 or 3 bombs…uncalled for. Any weapon that has the potential to destroy the entire world…I say why sir.

6. ) No “Lite Beers” allowed in bars… if you’re going to be in a bar, drink like you’re in a bar.
Nuff said. Got a problem, refer to rule 1 you tight-assed communist.


Totem Soup Episode 19: BP Gets DP With No Lube

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This episode of Totem Soup Covers allot. BP oil spill news, more Gary Coleman news, iPhone 4, and much more! This is a media HEAVY episode. Enjoy!

Tonights Cast:

Intro Music: Stephen Lynch – Kill A Kitten

Music Featured Tonight:
April 11 – The Bunny The Bear produced by Six Year Productions
Gary Coleman Song
Stephen Lynch – Special Ed
Big Oilmance (Original) – BP Oil Spill Parody by Jamie (jamie@somacow.com) of SomaCow Podcast

Articles Related:
Apple And Flash
Fix Your Slow Speeds And Torrent Throttling By Getting Rid Of Your ISP’s DNS

Other Funny Stuff:
80’s Mac Commercial (Futurama Fans, This is where the commercial came from when the guy from the 80’s took over planet express)
Pot Informational From The Stupid Ages
Japanese Anti-Itch Cream Commercial

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Totem Soup

Totem Soup Bonus Episode 18: Work Fits And Kibbles And Shits

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This episode of Totem Soup starts off with work bathroom horror, moves on to the oil spill, celebrity deaths, and pets with severe issues. Enjoy

Tonights Cast:

Intro Music: “Three Inch Tool” by Bob_Rivers

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Totem Soup

Bonus Episode!

Keep your eye out tonight/tomorrow for a bonus episode of Totem Soup currently on the editing floor! Decided since the last few weeks due to moving, software fail, and audio issues to get a bonus episode out to our loyal listeners. We also got Skype working for recording using Total Recorder, so this is our first episode using Skype! And listening to the pre-edit, the audio is much superior to vent. Anyways Enjoy!

And the Darwin Award Goes To…

Guy who felt it necessary to stick his pecker in a pipe…

A MAN had to have his penis cut free by SEVEN firefighters after he got it stuck in a steel PIPE. The crew used a METAL GRINDER for the delicate 30-minute operation, after doctors at Southampton General Hospital tried to release him without success. The medics failed because the restricted blood flow had caused the man to become aroused. A crew from the Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service used the four-and-a-half-inch grinder to cut the pipe free on Tuesday morning. Afterwards, the patient was given an anaesthetic and although his willy was left bruised and swollen it was otherwise unharmed. The anxious man aged about 40 failed to explain how the pipe had become stuck. A Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service spokesman said today: “Initially the crew did not have the appropriate cutting equipment to free the man. “It was a very delicate operation that required a very steady hand and the crew was worried about things getting too hot during the cutting.

Read more: Original Article